I remember when I was first learning about NFP. I thought it was ridiculous that the church didn’t pay for something that it stood by. I decided that if the church really cared that I used NFP, it would have footed the bill for me. I scheduled a doctor’s appointment a few months later and got on the pill just over a month before getting married.
A month into our marriage, we were failing fast. By the grace of God we pinpointed the fact that we were living in mortal sin was *probably* (ahem definitely) contributing to our married life being very hard.
I looked into NFP again and still held my conviction that if the church wanted me to do this, she was gonna have to pay for it.
I found a PDF online that I could download for free. It taught me a single check Sympto-thermal method (at the time I had no idea there were different methods, I thought this was NFP). I started charting and had almost zero confidence in the method. Looking back to those charts, they weren’t bad data-wise, I just didn’t know how to interpret them with confidence. I knew I should get help but I was adamant.
I still held this conviction as my husband and I prepared to start the training to become instructors. We were going to offer classes for free and teach as many couples as possible.
We had to take a class before we started the training program. We were absolutely blown out of the water. We had no idea of the science behind these methods, the difference between the different methods, the benefits of asking your instructor clarifying questions. Our PDF hadn’t provided any of that.
Now convinced that instructors were important, we began our training program that took over two years to complete. We read, watched videos, did assignments, read more, looked at sample charts, took big exams, taught practice couples, looked at more sample charts, took an even bigger test and got that certification stamp.
It was a ton of work. It was years of our lives.
Maybe free wasn’t quite the right approach. Back when I wanted free NFP I thought it was a simple hour long class and you’re on your way. Between the different methods it’s an average of about 6-7 hours of direct instruction.
Here’s the thing too. I didn’t trust the free PDF. I didn’t put any value on it because I got it without having to give up something (aka money).
This was also part of my healing journey. Money has always been a touchy subject for me. I grew up with a scarcity mindset around money. As a new adult on my own I would be paralyzed in the grocery store trying to calculate which product cost less per ounce (often the calculator would come out). I would shy away from doing things with our friends because we would have to spend money. We would often go out to dinner on Sundays and sometimes a very generous family would join us and foot the entire bill and I would rejoice internally.
I never wanted to pay for things I thought I could do on my own. Saving money was an obsession that kept me from forming a relationship with Jesus.
Not wanting to spend money kept me closed off to God’s will. But he patiently waited for me to let go of the chains of scarcity with money and give them to Him. He showed me generous people who lived free not because they had more than me but because they shared it lovingly. He lead me to spending money to invest in myself in small ways and then even bigger ways. He tapped my shoulder to consider being more generous in this way or that way. He asked me to just let one hand go and hold his hand while I clutched tightly to my chain. And I slowly learning now how to drop the chain in my other hand. Sometimes I pick it back up, but now that I’ve given Jesus one of my hands, he is clutching tight and won’t let me go.
I wanted NFP to be free because I didn’t want to let go of my chains. When I did get a free option (through the PDF) it was like going to a tanning bed fully clothed. “God I’m doing your NFP thing, why isn’t my marriage fixed now?” I expectd God to be able to lead me but I wasn’t willing to give him anything in return. God needs us to give, he needs us to allow him in. He will never force his way in.
For me, NFP couldn’t be free. It was necessary for my healing and my salvation that I give up money, and I know I’m not alone.
This is part of the reason I charge a living wage for my classes. If someone were to come to me truly in need, I would happily find a discount or payment plan that worked (and I have!). But here’s the bottom line, following Jesus isn’t supposed to be easy. We have to give up a lot in order to do that. Maybe paying for a class is part of your journey toward giving it all to God.